Dear Baby Girl…. My Life… My Daughter,

I want you to know that I wanted to have a baby girl so very much. I am so proud to be your mommy. I am so proud of all you have learned and all of the odds you have had to over come.

I have to apologize for a few things. I apologize for all of the times I have held you down. I am sorry for all of the times I let them poke you. I have let them cut you open on more than one occasion for a number of a reasons and for that… I am sorry. I apologize for the many nights we have had to stay away from home and the future nights we will miss in our own beds. I also have to apologize for every side effect as a result of the treatments I signed off on.

I have to tell you something else. There is nothing in this world I would not give to take your place. to take every surgery and drug and poke and sedation and test and cancer. I would gladly take it all from you. Everything that I have done… that I have tried to do… that I will try to do… is all to give you a happy healthy life. However, I am not sure if I am being selfish in putting  you through any of this nonsense to keep you with me.

I want to play make up with you for as long as you will let me. I want to carry you as long as you will let me. I want to cuddle with you more often and for as long as you will let. I want to watch you grow-up. I want to help you with your homework. I want to teach you so much more and I want you to see so much more than we could possibly have time for. I want to hold you when you cry until I die. I want to hear you talk to me everytime your mad. I want to watch you play in the sand and play in the water and play on the play ground and run with me and climb with me….

I am writing you this letter to let you know that I am sorry for everything that has happened and for everything that will happen. I am writing you this letter to tell you I love you and I want you to be happy and healthy for as long as possible. Cheers to kicking cancer’s ass one more time ❤

Love, your mommy… your caregiver… your teacher

Advertisements